Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
