he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
