we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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