I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
There's even glitter on my cock...
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