You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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