2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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