Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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