shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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