Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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