hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
