plz talk dirty to me
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i've created a new STD.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
