I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
