is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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