The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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