he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
