none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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