My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
