plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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