Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
