i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My vagina just clenched in fear
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
