He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
