Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
