Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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