Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
