Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
