Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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