I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
