maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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