I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
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He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
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You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
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