So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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