I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
