its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
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