Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i wish my penis had a tongue
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
