why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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