Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
