I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
