update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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