Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
