Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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