friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
