so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
