I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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