I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
