my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
