3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
