he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
