hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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