Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
