hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i think i have two assholes
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
