He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
