I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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