So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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