I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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