I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
