after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
