i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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