he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
