The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
