So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
