I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
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There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
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We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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