im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
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you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
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He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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