i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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