Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
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I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
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I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Will exercising make me less horny?
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