my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
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Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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