That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
