and you said cock pushups were impossible
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
