I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
