Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
