Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Your dad touched me again.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
