why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
