All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
