This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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