Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
