Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial

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(906): View more from Michigan

rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.

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(949): View more from California

you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."

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(916): View more from California

You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..

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(864): View more from South Carolina

and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.

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(240): View more from Maryland

We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.

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(719): View more from Colorado

If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.

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